We are constantly challenged in our lives and in the world.
We all have issues, problems, challenges, whatever you would like to name them. I remember once years ago, I was working in downtown SF and one of the guys in my office was telling me about how he went to the barber shop. While the barber was cutting his hair, my co-worker was complaining about all of his business and personal problems to the barber. The barber listened, and finally said, “Well, if you didn’t have any problems, then what is the purpose of living?” My co-worker immediately stopped talking.
We’ve all got our issues, and we tend to complain about them.
I thought the barber had a really good insight. We’ve all got our issues, and we tend to complain about them. That’s just fine to a point. Then we need own our issues in order to find a way to work through them, or find a solution, talk it out with somebody, and/or meditate on it.
I know that for me, if an issue comes up that needs resolution and I don’t do anything about it, my energy feels heavy, I might feel invalidated or have self-blame, or maybe even overwhelm. I need to meditate to release those pictures and feelings in order to clear the path for some sort of guidance that might lead to resolution. I also need to make sure that I’m owning what’s happening. If I don’t, then I can’t resolve it.
Make sure your energy doesn’t sink into a lower vibration!
I’ve also found how important it is to make sure my energy doesn’t sink into a lower vibration based on fear, or disappointment, or invalidation, or whatever. No matter what, keep the energy up! Makes a huge difference in every way, and stabilizes you.
Maybe you can’t find a resolution right now. I have also found that if you release the invalidation, or self-blame, or overwhelm, you can leave room for resolution to come in without having to have that resolution right now! We get impatient, and demand that we resolve things immediately. Sometimes you just need to leave room for the information to come in its own time. That in itself relieves stress and anxiety.
There are also other ways of resolving things. Sometimes when things aren’t working out very well in my relationship with someone, I mock up that the relationship changes for the better for both of us. Sometimes that has meant that the person is no longer in my life; sometimes one or both of us apologizes for a past slight; sometimes we let it go as if it never happened and go on with the relationship in present time and don’t bring the past into it. It’s really just a decision that things will work out, even if there is not an “active” resolution.
There have also been occasions in my life where things are rocky and I mock up that the issues get resolved. Then they just seem to resolve themselves, without any input from me!
Take ownership and decide what you want to do.
Sometimes challenges in a relationship just won’t heal, and you have to take ownership and decide what you want to do about it. This happened to me this past year. After my father died, my watch also died, so I bought a nicer watch than I normally would as a gift to myself in remembrance of my father. It had two places on the watchband for pieces of interchangeable jewelry, which I did not purchase.
I mentioned to a friend that my birthday present to myself later in the year would be two of those pieces of jewelry. About a week later, when we were having coffee, she appeared with those two pieces and gave them to me as a present. I was totally surprised and honored, as there was no special occasion, and we didn’t even know each other very well at that point. I thanked her profusely.
Then just last year, five years after that wonderful gift, I was having coffee with my friend and a few other people, and I mentioned something about the watch I had bought for myself. My friend said, “Oh no, you didn’t buy that watch, I bought it for you”. Uh-oh. I knew she was mistaken, but she insisted that she had bought it, and she was extremely offended that I was ungrateful and forgetful about her gift. I tried to talk to her about it, and acknowledged that she had bought me the two pieces of jewelry for the watchband, but she wouldn’t discuss it further, so I said we’d just have to agree to disagree. But the relationship was not the same afterwards. So I had to decide what to do.
Initially I thought I’d just let it be, but this incident stood in the middle of our relationship. It went unresolved for about two months, and I was very uneasy about it. I needed to be more pro-active in healing it. I saw in meditation that I could write her a letter with a copy of the receipt, along with lots of validation for her friendship and a big thank you for the gift that she had given me. I spoke with another friend about it, and she agreed with that solution.
I did write the letter, my friend did receive it, and we had lunch a few days later. She apologized for her error, and we were able to resume the friendship. But I had needed to take ownership and be assertive in the resolution.
The first step is to own what’s happening.
There are lots of ways to resolve things. Looking at how to do that in meditation is extremely helpful, but the first step is to own what’s happening, not spread out a lot of invalidation and blame to others. Then you can find your own way of resolution for your particular issue.
As always, thanks for supporting Psychic Horizons & the Church of Natural Grace with your sustainable giving! It truly makes a difference, both for us and for you.
Best regards,
Rev. Laura Hopper
Originally published May 24, 2018
